How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
