quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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