i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
