Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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