He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
