I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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