I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
