I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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