Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
