I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
