I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
