Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
