We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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