I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
