She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
