my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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