dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
