im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
