How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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