im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
