this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
