i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
sick fucks of a feather flock together
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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