There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
