Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
