Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
