Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
