Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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