dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
