I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
