My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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