make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
