You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
