Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
