was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I am naked and annoyed.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
