this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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