I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
