No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
