The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
