no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
