I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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