WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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