Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
