everyone is single if you try hard enough
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
