I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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