just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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