I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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