I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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