You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
