I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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