dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
