if you like me you must not know who I am
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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