ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
