Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
