I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
