please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
