Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
